Pic of the Week

Dear Maddie,

So as a way for people to see just how adorable you are (and how quickly you're growing), I've decided that I'm going to post a weekly picture of you. And seeing as you are 7 weeks old today, what a perfect day to start! But to be completely honest, I'm doing it today because we had a rough day yesterday so there wasn't any time for me to blog. So from now on, Tuesday will be picture day. Since I'm about 6 weeks behind in posts, these first few weeks will have double to pics! Enjoy...

Newborn

Six weeks old

Love you!

XO Mommy XO

Rough Start

Dear Madeline,

I'm going to continue where my last letter left off, after you were delivered:

Rather than staying with Daddy and I on the maternity floor, you were taken 3 floors up to the NICU. Daddy was able to go up to see you right away while they finished tending to me. I'll never forget the look on your daddy's face when he came back downstairs. He was absolutely glowing, but also looked concerned. He told me you were beautiful and doing great but that your head was severely bruised and swollen (you weren't able to open your right eye). On top of that you were hooked up to all kinds of wires and machines. He hated seeing you like that!

Unfortunately I wasn't able to go see you until noon; and that was the longest 3.5 hours ever! When we finally got to visit with you, you were peacefully sleeping; and you were sooo beautiful. I can't even explain to you how much love I felt for you. Daddy said that your bruising and swelling were already looking better, but my heart ached for you and the discomfort I'm sure you had to feel!

We were going to just sit with you and let you rest because the nurse said you had just fallen asleep, but once they showed me just how many spots you had, my heart ached even more and I started to break down. Finally the nurse asked if I wanted to hold you, and that was absolutely the only thing I wanted at that moment. A minute to just love on you and pray that you weren't feeling any pain and that everything was going to be okay.

After being seen (or discussed with) by numerous specialty doctors, they did come to the conclusion that all these little spots were what are called hemangiomas. They are benign tumors of the cells that make up the blood vessels. They are fairly common in children, however, they are not often present at birth and they are usually limited to a few total. Unfortunately you have about 30! They did assure us that you were doing great and that these things completely clear up as you grow; usually by age 7 or so (and that's with no treatment). However, they did want to run several tests to make sure that there weren't any internally. Thankfully all of those tests eventually came back normal!

Although they do not often treat hemangiomas because the eventually shrink and disappear on their own, they did decide that they wanted to treat you simply because you have so many and they don't want them to grow any more. In the last 5 years or so they have started a new treatment for this; by actually using a medication which used to be used solely to treat high blood pressure. A doctor was treating a child for his heart condition and accidentally discovered the medication took away his hemangiomas. This was huge since prior treatment involved steroids and laser treatments and and the terrible side effects. The down side of starting this medicine meant that you would have to stay in the NICU where they could monitor your blood pressure for at least 48 hours after treatment started. And that would not be until the following day once the cardiologist had seen you.

I'll admit that the first day was very difficult for Daddy and I, and I don't think the fact we hadn't slept in about 30 hours helped us. We were anticipating you coming back to the maternity ward eventually where you'd be able to sleep in our room. I hated that we had to leave you at night; that the first night you were on this earth, we were going to be sleeping on different floors. But deep down we knew that you were where was best for you and soon enough I'd be able to stare at the sweet face all night long!

Wednesday morning they started you on your medication. My doctors offered to send me home, but said I could stay if I wanted since my insurance would pay for one more day. Obviously I was not leaving you so we were staying! After all we still weren't sure when they were going to release you - they still needed to do an MRI of your spine to check a hemangioma that was there and that wouldn't be til the next day. So Wednesday was really just a day of visiting you.

Thursday morning I was told that I was being released, but could stay as late as I wanted since you were still going to be there. In the morning you went for your MRI. Once you were back we rushed up to see you! Unfortunately they have to sedate you for this, so you were very very sleepy when you got back.

When you did finally wake, you had the most upsetting cry - I could just tell that you were not yourself :-( But once everything wore off later that day you seemed much better.

I had been dreading the day ending all day, because I knew what was coming - I was going to have to leave you for the night! It was very VERY hard for me to leave you. It took me forever to say goodbye and once we hit the parking garage I totally lost it! This was not how I pictured things going - we checked in the hospital expecting to leave with our baby, not alone! The only thing that got me through the difficult night (filled with many tears) was knowing that when we went back to visit you - we were going to be taking you home with us!!!

Although we were there almost all day Friday, we did eventually get to take you home! And it was such a perfect day to bring you home - it was your due date and the weather was beautiful! Overall we had a very good experience while you were there. The staff was absolutely great, always accommodating to us and making sure we were fully informed about what was going on with you. They made a very unexpected and difficult situation so much better! On top of that I'll have to admit it was a humbling experience. Seeing all those sick babies, some of which had been there for months, we knew that we were truly blessed and lucky! Yes this was a bump in the road, but you were healthy and going to be just fine! We were told numerous times that you were known as the healthiest baby in the NICU.

When we were finally able to leave I'll never forget what the nurse said to us as she took a family pic of us. She told us that it made her extremely happy to be sending a baby home with good parents that she knew were going to love and care for you. She said she could tell how much we loved you and that she did not have to worry about us continuing your treatment and following up with your care as instructed. It kind of caught me off guard, but she said sadly she doesn't always see that. I was happy to know that sending us home as a family made her day because her comment made mine! She made me realize that if a stranger who only spent 4 hours with us could see the love we had for you, then we were going to be okay - we were going to be great parents to you Madeline Elizabeth! She took every ounce of insecurity and uncertainty away from me. And the three of us left that hospital with nothing but huge smiles on our face!

I love you baby girl!

<3 Mommy

PS: The goal of the next post is to get us caught up on time (6 weeks to be exact)!

Special Delivery

Dear Maddie,

First off, I apologize that it has been a month since my last update...your arrival has kept me quite occupied! :)
Anyways, just an FYI, I started this blog when I found out I was pregnant with you as a way to keep our family and friends updated. Now that you are here I plan to continue, as it is a way for me to document how you grow and show off some of your many many photos. So what better way to start then to tell the story of the night/morning you joined us...

To play a little catch up, I had went to the doctor the Thursday before you were born and was 2 cm dilated and the doctor decided to strip my membranes as a way to hopefully start inducing labor (so that was my last day of work). In the meantime, I was trying everything (with in reason) that was suggested to me to get you to move along. Although I had no problem being induced that coming Tuesday, a part of me really wanted you to come on your own - I wanted to experience the whole natural process!

Well nothing seemed to work...spicy food, walks, hand cleaning floors...and the list goes on. So finally I had convinced myself you were not coming any earlier than the night of induction. However, Monday morning when Daddy went to work I started to feel a little different. I told your Dad when we got up that I thought I may have had a contraction, but truly wasn't sure. So I went about my day as planned, however, I was starting to have some cramping pain that had me wondering if this was what people were telling me about.

Around 2pm I started to keep track of what I thought were contractions, but still wasn't 100% sure. They were about 12 min apart and felt like a combination of menstrual cramps, feeling like I had to have a bowel movement, and a little bit of back pain. Additionally I was actually going to the bathroom several times that day (very unusual for me). Around 4pm they were more like 7 min apart and I debated whether I should call your Daddy to come home early; but for some reason I still wasn't quite convinced I was in labor yet.

Once he got home and we ate some dinner, he made the executive decision that we should go to your Granny and Papa's house since they live 5 min (not 45 min) from the hospital. He could just tell from how I was acting that it was going to be that night - and if not, we were that much closer for the induction the following day. Well I was very glad he made that decision! After waiting about 2 hours at their house and realizing I was not going to be comfortable anywhere but the hospital, we decided to head over there. I truly wasn't in horrible pain, but when the contractions came they were definitely uncomfortable; plus I started to have some bleeding. So at this point I was pretty sure this was it!

We got to the hospital around 11:15pm and after waiting for the unconcerned woman at the desk to finally take care of us, they sent me to Labor & Delivery triage. I kept hoping my water would break in front of this woman's desk since she apparently did not think I was in labor! After getting changed and answering a billion questions, the resident came in to exam me. She looked at me somewhat surprised and told us that I was 6 cm dilated and 75% effaced and followed that with the question "did you really walk in here?". Apparently it's not normal to walk all the way from the parking garage when you are 6 cm and in labor!

They immediately moved us to a delivery room and called anesthesia for my epidural. I had 3 different nurses working with us to try and get everything done ASAP! They were so sure you were coming soon - hah! In the meantime Daddy was calling our family to let them know you would be here soon, so if they were coming to the hospital they better get going. You were coming that night!

In the meantime, they sent Daddy to wait for our visitors while I got my epidural. The anesthesiologist was worried the epidural wouldn't take effect soon enough so he additionally gave me a spinal. The whole procedure was not as bad as I had anticipated - the novocaine was probably the worst part. I immediately felt relief...honestly, I immediately felt nothing! Overall, the epidural was a great idea, but the idea of a spinal beforehand kind of backfired on all of us.

After the procedure, Daddy returned and Granny had arrived as well. I felt pretty good for being in labor. Granny even commented that I didn't act like a woman in labor (but that's all because I really didn't feel anything at all). So now it was just a matter of waiting til you were ready to join us. To waste the time we watched TV, played Monopoly on our iPad, and captured a few last shots of me preggers...

Our last preggo pic

The last pic of us as family of just two

Around 2:30am the doctors came in to check me again and I was now 9.5 cm dilated and fully effaced. So they broke my water and said we'd start pushing in an hour! Daddy went to the waiting room to update everyone and at this point Granny decided she was going to stay in the room with us for your delivery. Secretly I knew all along that she was going to stay, even if she'd been denying it the whole pregnancy.

Granny in waiting

About an hour later the nurse came in so we could start pushing...this was it!!! Until we then realized, I was so numb from the spinal/epidural, that I couldn't feel anything - not even enough to push. So we were back to waiting. For the next couple of hours they came in and out to check and see if I was starting to feel things a little more - still nothing. Finally around 5:30am we decided to turn the epidural down and just try my best to start pushing.

After a little while, the nurse was able to see your head coming down, but you were stubborn and weren't  ready to come quite yet! They kept telling me that from what they could see, you were going to be a baldy (boy were they wrong)! We continued pushing on and off until the nurse decided it would be best to start a little pitocin and have the epidural turned off. I was a little nervous that this would backfire (which it did) - but we went with it. Well I definitely started to feel the contractions more, but was still very numb.

However, around 7am I had had enough of the pain from the contractions - I wanted that epidural back on NOW!! Of course this was all going down in the midst of shift change - so things suddenly became somewhat chaotic (new doctor, new anesthesiologist, new resident, twice as many nurses and even a nursing student was pushed in there)! The newly energized, "peepy" staff came in and immediately started to set everything up for delivery. They did not realize we had been stuck at this point for about 2 hours now. Thankfully my old nurses stuck around as long as possible to help - after all they wanted to meet you too now.

Finally the anesthesiologist came in and turned the epidural back on. However, it must have been too much too fast because I almost instantly got sick! Things were suddenly spirally out of control - I was hot, I was thirsty, I was uncomfortable, and I was exhausted!! And to top it off I had this new nurse that wanted me to try all these new ways of pushing; one of which included a squat bar! Seriously?!?! I've been pushing for 2 hours, had my epidural turned off and can't even feel my right leg and you want me to squat at the end of this bed!?! Despite the fact I told her I was going to fall off the bed, I attempted what she wanted to do; and I was right, I almost fell off the bed!

As we were approaching the 3 hour mark, the doctor was trying to decide what to do. For whatever reason, you were not wanting to come out. She thought perhaps you were just going to be a big baby based on the last ultrasound. I asked if maybe you were facing up - they said it was possible. The next step she decided on was to try and use a vacuum to assist you out; she also brought up episiotomy and finally the dreaded C section. At that point I was determined to push you out immediately!

In order to use the vacuum the NICU team had to be present, so they put a call in to them. While we waited the resident stayed with me and tried her best to assist you out. Finally, I gave one good push and was then told to not move at all! Do not cough, sneeze, talk or move. This was the first time I actually somewhat felt something - your head was sitting there and they needed to get the doctor in there and finish setting up. Once they were ready I gave one more push and out you came - head, arms, legs...everything all at once! Oh and by the way, Mommy was right, you were facing up which now explained why we were pushing for 3 hours (also explained why they kept saying you were bald - they were looking at your forehead).

Of course, now I was waiting to here "It's a Girl!" or "It's a Boy!", but instead I heard "Dad do you want to cut the cord?" At that point I was trying to sit up and see you and kept saying "What is it?" Daddy finally said - "It's a girl!" I knew it! All along I felt you were a girl. Then we had the sign in the delivery room - there was a huge painting of irises, which was my Nana's favorite flower, and that is who you are named after.

I still remember how amazing the sound of your first cry was to me. Daddy and I immediately looked at each other and started to cry. We were so happy. Once Daddy had cut the cord though they immediately handed you over to the NICU team, which I was a little caught off guard by. Then I heard something about multiple spots on your body, the OB thought they were hemangiomas. The Neonatalogist looked you over, picked you up, handed you to me and said you were going to be just fine. They wanted to take you to the NICU for evaluation, but he reassured us you were just fine. I heard what he said, but all I cared about at the point was getting to hold you for the first time.

You were soooo beautiful!! We immediately bonded and I know you knew I was your Mommy because as soon as I started talking to you, the crying instantly stopped. I truly did not want to let you go. I knew I would instantly love you, after all I'd been loving you for 9 months; but I never imagined how full my heart would feel at that moment. Just like that, your little 6 lb 14 oz body had completely turned our world upside down in this amazing way. Daddy and I were so in love with you Madeline!

Our very first picture together

Love you Baby Girl!!

Mommy XOXO

PS: Next post - the remainder of our hospital stay (promise it won't be as long)

It's A Girl!!!!

Baby B...you're finally here!

Welcome to our baby girl!

Madeline Elizabeth Bernard 

Born Tuesday, March 8, 2011 at 8:16am. 

6 lb 14 oz and 20 inches

 Full details of our labor/birth story and many more (and better) pictures to come this week...promise!!

Progress in Centimeters

Dear Baby B -

At 38 weeks we are making progress! I went to the doctor yesterday and we are both doing great and looking good. We did find out that I am 1 (almost 2!) centimeters dilated and 50% effaced; and you are definitely continuing to burrow your way down there cause things are starting to get a little uncomfortable. Although I don't feel that I am having any contractions, just a couple here and there, I know we are getting close to your birth! So the big day is just around the corner!

The doctor and I did discuss a plan for if you do not come on your own. If you haven't arrived by March 8th, they will bring me in to the hospital that night to start the induction process with a plan for delivery on March 9th. Daddy was happy about that because 9 is his favorite number.

Last weekend we dedicated to making sure everything was ready for you to come home. We set up all kinds of things for you (swing, pack n play, bouncer, etc) and I just finished my last load of your laundry. The nursery is finally 99% complete and that's as complete as it can get until we know whether you are a boy or girl. Eventually we plan to put your name over the crib along with some decals. So below I've put up some pics of your future home:

Who knows Baby? Maybe Mommy's next post will be a picture of you and the announcement of your arrival!!!

Love you tons!

Mommy XOXO

Showered with Love

Hi Baby B!

We are almost at the end of our journey here. At 36 weeks now, we are in our final weeks. Believe it or not, you could come any day now! Now you are the size of a watermelon and are gaining about a half ounce per week:

Although you are almost considered full term (will be as of Friday), you are still continuing to grow. And everyday you spend in my belly is another day of strength you are gaining. So, as eager as Daddy and I are to meet you now, we're happy to let you stay put for a little while longer.

Our last two doctor's visits were pretty uneventful. They say you look great and things are going well. I've had a few contractions while on the fetal monitor, but nothing that I have felt. Although I do think I may have felt one or two these last couple days - obviously nothing too big though.

The doctors did inform me though that you will definitely be here by your due date, March 11!!! Because of my thyroid and the effects it can have on the placenta they do not want to you in there any longer than necessary. So that was exciting to here!! At one of our next visits we'll talk about a plan if you do not come on your own by then. Personally I feel like you're already moving down and getting yourself ready.

Last weekend Daddy and I started our childbirth prep class and will finish it this weekend. Although a lot of the information is review to me, it's been informative to both me and your Dad. Also this weekend we plan to finish putting everything together and away in anticipation of you coming. Your nursery is ALMOST complete and I can't wait to show off Daddy's amazing job! (Pictures of that should be posted next time)

Speaking of pictures, here's our latest pic - taken yesterday before Daddy and I went out for Valentine's Day:

36 weeks 4 days

And as promised, here are some pictures from our two showers:

Mommy & Daddy B

March Baby Bumps

Baby B's first Bears jersey

With the hostesses

Mommy & Daddy B

With the Grandmas

Hand drawn animals for nursery

Baby B in 3D

Hi Baby B!

Today marks 35 weeks for us. You have reached the size of a large cantaloupe:

Your growth has reached it's peak and will now start to slow down in preparation for delivery. Most of your body systems have reached maturity now, and those that haven't won't until after you are born. We know that you are growing strong because today was our ultrasound and you now weigh about 6 lbs 2 oz, which is the 60th percentile.

We got some very cool 3D photos of your face today and it was just another thing that made your upcoming arrival all the more real. One thing Daddy and I seemed to agree on was that you look to have Mommy's nose. Here's a sneak at your precious little face (ignore the placenta and other stuff that's kind of in the way):

Baby B's profile at 35 weeks

Face and hand under chin

Sad face or sleepy face

Baby B in 3D

Our last couple doctors appointments have went well. This week you were very active and cooperative so we only had to stay on the monitor for about 10 minutes. Probably helps that Mommy decided to eat a decent meal before going to the doctor...and a snack in the car.

Speaking of Mommy, for the most part I am still feeling pretty good. But there is definitely some discomfort that sets in these last few weeks. Sleep is definitely getting harder to come by. There's always something waking me up - being too hot, having to go to the bathroom, reflux (all things we weren't dealing with until recently). I also feel like you have started to drop, and have been told that by several people now. I'm feeling more pressure lower and my back is often sore. But I don't mind all these things because it's all a sign that you are on your way!

We are working on the final preparations in your nursery as we unpack your gifts and add some last minute decorations. Once it's complete I'll post some more photos.

Tomorrow is our last shower with Mommy's side of the family. So after that I will post some pics from both of the showers. To hold everyone over though, here's our most recent picture from this week:

Baby B & Me - 35 weeks

Love you always,

Mommy XOXO