Today we made one of our many, many Target runs. Me going on only 2 hours of sleep; you in need of another nap. Me glasses on, no make-up; you no flowers, no bows. Both in our sweats. Clearly we were in a rush and not looking to impress anyone (after all Daddy's out of town). It was surprisingly quite busy for a Monday afternoon. Everyone seemed to be doing their Thanksgiving dinner shopping, which is exactly why we were out (buying ingredients for a cheesecake). Half way through our "quick" trip, you decided to puke all over your new winter coat. And of course since this was supposed to be a "quick" trip, Mommy didn't have the diaper bag which meant we were left at the back of the store with nothing to clean you off with.
As we walked through the store, two women stopped us to look at you and commented on how beautiful you were. Then the lady working at Starbucks did the same (in the my head I just kept thinking "they must not see the coat covered in spit-up"). Then the lady in the checkout line as well as the cashier said the same! As we were walking to our car after a familiar Target experience to us, I suddenly realized not one of those women said anything about your hemangiomas. Come to think of it, not many people have said anything, period! No questions about why you had them, no comments about you having "birth/beauty marks". That really got me to thinking today about our whole experience thus far.
This little experience really got me to reflect on the fears I first had for you and for me. I didn't want anyone "staring" at my baby. How was I going to respond to those stares? How was I going to answer the questions? I can now admit, because of those fears, I tried to cover up which ever ones I could - hence the big bows and hats and flowers (although that is the style now and I'm sure they would have been a part of your wardrobe regardless). There are a few times I remember being almost out the door and realizing we didn't have a head accessory, so I would quickly run up to your room for something. Or even go in to somewhat of a panic if we had gotten somewhere and I then realized you weren't wearing anything. Again, how was I going to deal with any stares or questions that could come up.
Looking back, I feel absolutely terrible for being like that. I in no way was ashamed of your Angel Kisses; the mommy in me just didn't want you to be treated any different than the baby in the cart in the next aisle with no Angel Kisses. I was being protective of you, just like I always will be! But this little experience today made me realize all that fear was for nothing. I didn't need to conceal anything, I just needed to give people more credit! The world is not as shallow as I may have thought it was. I really can't think of a time where we have gone out and people haven't oohed and ahhed over you!
Over the last few months we have put the headbands, hats, bows, and flowers aside for just the special occasions. I mean do we really need a bow on every time we run out the door to Target! Sure you are doing great and we have seen amazing improvements in you over the past few months, but that's not the reason. I believe it's because I realized those red spots, big and small, are what make you - you!
So as we are approaching Thanksgiving this week, I'm thankful for this little journey we've been on. In an odd way, this journey has taken away my fears of what others think and helped me embrace the beautiful things people say about you! I am extremely grateful for all those nice, loving comments and smiles we receive daily from complete strangers. I'm thankful for your hemangiomas and the beauty they have given to you and shown to me! And someday we will surely be thankful they are gone, but grateful for the beauty they brought to our lives. :)
Loves!
Mommy
