Thanks!

Dearest Maddie,

Today we made one of our many, many Target runs. Me going on only 2 hours of sleep; you in need of another nap. Me glasses on, no make-up; you no flowers, no bows. Both in our sweats. Clearly we were in a rush and not looking to impress anyone (after all Daddy's out of town). It was surprisingly quite busy for a Monday afternoon. Everyone seemed to be doing their Thanksgiving dinner shopping, which is exactly why we were out (buying ingredients for a cheesecake). Half way through our "quick" trip, you decided to puke all over your new winter coat. And of course since this was supposed to be a "quick" trip, Mommy didn't have the diaper bag which meant we were left at the back of the store with nothing to clean you off with.


As we walked through the store, two women stopped us to look at you and commented on how beautiful you were. Then the lady working at Starbucks did the same (in the my head I just kept thinking "they must not see the coat covered in spit-up"). Then the lady in the checkout line as well as the cashier said the same! As we were walking to our car after a familiar Target experience to us, I suddenly realized not one of those women said anything about your hemangiomas. Come to think of it, not many people have said anything, period! No questions about why you had them, no comments about you having "birth/beauty marks". That really got me to thinking today about our whole experience thus far.

Now obviously to me and Daddy you truly are the most beautiful baby we've ever laid eyes on. Those beautiful big blue eyes and long lashes, the chubby cheeks, those rosy lips that always flash the cutest, most innocent smiles to everyone you see, and those (now shrinking) hemangiomas that make you...well you!


This little experience really got me to reflect on the fears I first had for you and for me. I didn't want anyone "staring" at my baby. How was I going to respond to those stares? How was I going to answer the questions? I can now admit, because of those fears, I tried to cover up which ever ones I could - hence the big bows and hats and flowers (although that is the style now and I'm sure they would have been a part of your wardrobe regardless). There are a few times I remember being almost out the door and realizing we didn't have a head accessory, so I would quickly run up to your room for something. Or even go in to somewhat of a panic if we had gotten somewhere and I then realized you weren't wearing anything. Again, how was I going to deal with any stares or questions that could come up.

Looking back, I feel absolutely terrible for being like that. I in no way was ashamed of your Angel Kisses; the mommy in me just didn't want you to be treated any different than the baby in the cart in the next aisle with no Angel Kisses. I was being protective of you, just like I always will be! But this little experience today made me realize all that fear was for nothing. I didn't need to conceal anything, I just needed to give people more credit! The world is not as shallow as I may have thought it was. I really can't think of a time where we have gone out and people haven't oohed and ahhed over you!

Over the last few months we have put the headbands, hats, bows, and flowers aside for just the special occasions. I mean do we really need a bow on every time we run out the door to Target! Sure you are doing great and we have seen amazing improvements in you over the past few months, but that's not the reason. I believe it's because I realized those red spots, big and small, are what make you - you!

So as we are approaching Thanksgiving this week, I'm thankful for this little journey we've been on. In an odd way, this journey has taken away my fears of what others think and helped me embrace the beautiful things people say about you! I am extremely grateful for all those nice, loving comments and smiles we receive daily from complete strangers. I'm thankful for your hemangiomas and the beauty they have given to you and shown to me! And someday we will surely be thankful they are gone, but grateful for the beauty they brought to our lives. :)

Loves!

Mommy

4 Month Fly By

Dear Madeline,

Oh where has your Mama been?!?! Where has this month gone?!?! I apologize for the lack of pics/updates, but as you are growing older (and yes only 4 months is "older"), you are wanting that undivided attention and have kept me busy nearly every minute of the day! So, here we are...4 months, going on 5 months!!

It's amazing how fast you are growing right before my eyes. I live every day in anticipation of what new feat you are going to conquer that day!

In the past month you have reached many new achievements. The biggest one is that you are a rolling machine now! If we put you down you are rolling all over the place - and that includes your crib. I am actually looking at your monitor now seeing how you have fallen asleep perpendicular to how I laid you and you are now on your tummy. This last part I find particularly interesting. For a girl who absolutely HATED tummy time, it appears you now want to sleep on your tummy. Believe me, we do the whole "back to sleep" thing when we put you down. But in the last several nights you have always woken up on your tummy.

The latest feat you are trying to conquer though is sitting. You love to being propped up seeing what is going on. There is no more cradling you; you want to see what is going on!

You have actually managed to now conquer the "tripod" pose when sitting. You can sit without help if you lean forward and support yourself. Today I even captured a quick moment where you briefly held yourself in the sitting position.

I think the fact that you were playing with your toes helped support you up. Which by the way...you LOVE your feet. If they are covered, you want them uncovered - thankfully it's the summer, because you want nothing to do with socks at the moment.

At your 4 month check up, we got the go-ahead to start you on solids! Yay! So we have now started trying cereals with you - we started with rice and today we actually tried oatmeal. You were definitely confused by the whole issue of food coming from a spoon, but you are quickly catching on!

Being the independent girl that you are, you already feel like you should be feeding yourself.

All in all, you are generally a very happy baby! Our only issue lately seems to be going to sleep. You have no interest in going down for naps or going to bed at night. You sleep great at night (once you are actually asleep) and for every 5-6 20 min naps you take, we get a good 2 hr one. But really, I guess your parents are to blame for all this. After all, I work the night shift and Daddy is a night owl. I guess that's just a trait that is being passed on. I will admit though that you and I really struggle with this. I often wish that it was easy as you just wanting to be rocked to sleep, but you really have no interest in that. The only thing that somewhat soothes you, is the sound of the vacuum. And I'm not really sure that it "soothes" you, rather, it appears to put you into a trance! There are often tears of frustration and upset shed by both of us. But once I see these baby blues and glowing grins I realize it's not worth the upset.

So as I try and wrap up the monthly update, I figure it's time for a "medical" update as well (especially after the week we've had).

7 weeks

20 weeks

As you can see, your Angel Kisses are definitely improving! It took some time for the medicine to kick in (even the Dr admitted it was longer than he anticipated), but it is definitely working now. Because of the improvement, we are now only going to the dermatologist every 6 weeks; and that's just for a dosing adjustment because your weight changes so fast! So things were going great...until last weekend that is.

Last Saturday, you had and incident of spitting up blood. It was bright red and tan, and well needless to say it was quite scary. This happened once before, but it was definitely not as much. While waiting for the doctor to call us back and tell us what to do, I changed your diaper and now your poop was black! I immediately knew what this meant - there was blood coming from this end as well!

Thankfully we were at Granny and Papa's house, so we packed our stuff up and headed over to Loyola. By the way, this of course all happened on a weekend where Daddy was out of town with no cell phone service and no car! Anyways, just like I had anticipated, they quickly decided to admit us for the night. The bloody spit up and black poop had continued, so obviously you were bleeding somewhere and they wanted to keep an eye on your blood count.

Thankfully you were stable the entire time and we were only there for 24 hours (Daddy quickly hurried home to be by your side...fyi). The doctors believe that you have an Angel Kiss somewhere in your upper GI tract and for whatever reason it was irritated and started to bleed (just like the others have done). This is now just something we have to keep a close eye on and will see yet another specialist for. All in all though, things are fine.

You truly are a little trooper though. You toughed it out through the IVs, blood draws, and even the tube down your nose. Throughout the whole ordeal, you were your usual happy, smiley self - impressing all the nurses!

However, when the word came that we would get to go home, you definitely crashed and burned. As Daddy and I impatiently waited on the "official" okay and paperwork - you peacefully slept. In that moment, while we watched you sleep, and saw some of the other very ill children around you, we once again took a moment to realize how truly luck we are!

 

Love you Angel!

Mommy <3