Time Flies

Dear Madeline,

Newborn

1 month

It's amazing how fast 7 weeks have come and gone. It's amazing how fast 24 hours goes now! I'll never really get your blog caught up on those first seven weeks so I decided to just do one post with some of the highlights we've had so far.

First an overview on how you are doing medically. You truly are a healthy newborn; you're skin condition does not seem to affect you in the slightest. In seven weeks we have had numerous doctors appointments (pediatrician, dermatologist, and ophthalmologist). Thankfully they all seem to be very happy with how you are doing. We frequently go to the dermatologist simply because they have to adjust your dose as you are gaining weight and they like to take pictures of your hemangiomas to monitor their progress. We were suppose to actually go for a follow up on Monday, but they had to reschedule because the doctor was sick. I guess doctors get colds too. Unfortunately we won't be going for two weeks now though because he is only at that office on Mondays. But you seem to be doing fine so Mommy's not worried.

As for the ophthalmologist, we've only had one visit with him - and what a terrible visit it was! I'll spare you all of the details, but let's just say that we were there for 4 hours and I've never heard you cry so hard! :( In the end they did find a hemangioma in your right eye, but the doctor says it is just something to monitor. It is nowhere that would affect your field of vision. So we go back for a check in June - which Mommy is dreading.

Overall, I really don't know if I feel the medication is working. I know it's a gradual process and the nurse in me tries to remind myself that these things don't work overnight, but the mom in me wants it to work like magic. I want them to be gone and for you to no longer be on medication! We've also had the added problem that some of them occasionally bleed - which has been very difficult for me to handle. I deal with blood all the time, but not blood coming from MY newborn baby! I'll admit I've had several breakdowns and Daddy has been the one to hold it together.

Now on to happier things; a picture story of some of your firsts...

You have celebrated your first two holidays: 

St. Patty's Day

Easter Sunday

Your first two fashion statements:

First "little black dress"

First bow

Your first bandage:

Your first bath:

Your first smile:

Your first walk: 

I just can't wait for our list of firsts to keep on growing!!!  

Love you!!

Mommy

Pic of the Week

Dear Maddie,

So as a way for people to see just how adorable you are (and how quickly you're growing), I've decided that I'm going to post a weekly picture of you. And seeing as you are 7 weeks old today, what a perfect day to start! But to be completely honest, I'm doing it today because we had a rough day yesterday so there wasn't any time for me to blog. So from now on, Tuesday will be picture day. Since I'm about 6 weeks behind in posts, these first few weeks will have double to pics! Enjoy...

Newborn

Six weeks old

Love you!

XO Mommy XO

Rough Start

Dear Madeline,

I'm going to continue where my last letter left off, after you were delivered:

Rather than staying with Daddy and I on the maternity floor, you were taken 3 floors up to the NICU. Daddy was able to go up to see you right away while they finished tending to me. I'll never forget the look on your daddy's face when he came back downstairs. He was absolutely glowing, but also looked concerned. He told me you were beautiful and doing great but that your head was severely bruised and swollen (you weren't able to open your right eye). On top of that you were hooked up to all kinds of wires and machines. He hated seeing you like that!

Unfortunately I wasn't able to go see you until noon; and that was the longest 3.5 hours ever! When we finally got to visit with you, you were peacefully sleeping; and you were sooo beautiful. I can't even explain to you how much love I felt for you. Daddy said that your bruising and swelling were already looking better, but my heart ached for you and the discomfort I'm sure you had to feel!

We were going to just sit with you and let you rest because the nurse said you had just fallen asleep, but once they showed me just how many spots you had, my heart ached even more and I started to break down. Finally the nurse asked if I wanted to hold you, and that was absolutely the only thing I wanted at that moment. A minute to just love on you and pray that you weren't feeling any pain and that everything was going to be okay.

After being seen (or discussed with) by numerous specialty doctors, they did come to the conclusion that all these little spots were what are called hemangiomas. They are benign tumors of the cells that make up the blood vessels. They are fairly common in children, however, they are not often present at birth and they are usually limited to a few total. Unfortunately you have about 30! They did assure us that you were doing great and that these things completely clear up as you grow; usually by age 7 or so (and that's with no treatment). However, they did want to run several tests to make sure that there weren't any internally. Thankfully all of those tests eventually came back normal!

Although they do not often treat hemangiomas because the eventually shrink and disappear on their own, they did decide that they wanted to treat you simply because you have so many and they don't want them to grow any more. In the last 5 years or so they have started a new treatment for this; by actually using a medication which used to be used solely to treat high blood pressure. A doctor was treating a child for his heart condition and accidentally discovered the medication took away his hemangiomas. This was huge since prior treatment involved steroids and laser treatments and and the terrible side effects. The down side of starting this medicine meant that you would have to stay in the NICU where they could monitor your blood pressure for at least 48 hours after treatment started. And that would not be until the following day once the cardiologist had seen you.

I'll admit that the first day was very difficult for Daddy and I, and I don't think the fact we hadn't slept in about 30 hours helped us. We were anticipating you coming back to the maternity ward eventually where you'd be able to sleep in our room. I hated that we had to leave you at night; that the first night you were on this earth, we were going to be sleeping on different floors. But deep down we knew that you were where was best for you and soon enough I'd be able to stare at the sweet face all night long!

Wednesday morning they started you on your medication. My doctors offered to send me home, but said I could stay if I wanted since my insurance would pay for one more day. Obviously I was not leaving you so we were staying! After all we still weren't sure when they were going to release you - they still needed to do an MRI of your spine to check a hemangioma that was there and that wouldn't be til the next day. So Wednesday was really just a day of visiting you.

Thursday morning I was told that I was being released, but could stay as late as I wanted since you were still going to be there. In the morning you went for your MRI. Once you were back we rushed up to see you! Unfortunately they have to sedate you for this, so you were very very sleepy when you got back.

When you did finally wake, you had the most upsetting cry - I could just tell that you were not yourself :-( But once everything wore off later that day you seemed much better.

I had been dreading the day ending all day, because I knew what was coming - I was going to have to leave you for the night! It was very VERY hard for me to leave you. It took me forever to say goodbye and once we hit the parking garage I totally lost it! This was not how I pictured things going - we checked in the hospital expecting to leave with our baby, not alone! The only thing that got me through the difficult night (filled with many tears) was knowing that when we went back to visit you - we were going to be taking you home with us!!!

Although we were there almost all day Friday, we did eventually get to take you home! And it was such a perfect day to bring you home - it was your due date and the weather was beautiful! Overall we had a very good experience while you were there. The staff was absolutely great, always accommodating to us and making sure we were fully informed about what was going on with you. They made a very unexpected and difficult situation so much better! On top of that I'll have to admit it was a humbling experience. Seeing all those sick babies, some of which had been there for months, we knew that we were truly blessed and lucky! Yes this was a bump in the road, but you were healthy and going to be just fine! We were told numerous times that you were known as the healthiest baby in the NICU.

When we were finally able to leave I'll never forget what the nurse said to us as she took a family pic of us. She told us that it made her extremely happy to be sending a baby home with good parents that she knew were going to love and care for you. She said she could tell how much we loved you and that she did not have to worry about us continuing your treatment and following up with your care as instructed. It kind of caught me off guard, but she said sadly she doesn't always see that. I was happy to know that sending us home as a family made her day because her comment made mine! She made me realize that if a stranger who only spent 4 hours with us could see the love we had for you, then we were going to be okay - we were going to be great parents to you Madeline Elizabeth! She took every ounce of insecurity and uncertainty away from me. And the three of us left that hospital with nothing but huge smiles on our face!

I love you baby girl!

<3 Mommy

PS: The goal of the next post is to get us caught up on time (6 weeks to be exact)!

Special Delivery

Dear Maddie,

First off, I apologize that it has been a month since my last update...your arrival has kept me quite occupied! :)
Anyways, just an FYI, I started this blog when I found out I was pregnant with you as a way to keep our family and friends updated. Now that you are here I plan to continue, as it is a way for me to document how you grow and show off some of your many many photos. So what better way to start then to tell the story of the night/morning you joined us...

To play a little catch up, I had went to the doctor the Thursday before you were born and was 2 cm dilated and the doctor decided to strip my membranes as a way to hopefully start inducing labor (so that was my last day of work). In the meantime, I was trying everything (with in reason) that was suggested to me to get you to move along. Although I had no problem being induced that coming Tuesday, a part of me really wanted you to come on your own - I wanted to experience the whole natural process!

Well nothing seemed to work...spicy food, walks, hand cleaning floors...and the list goes on. So finally I had convinced myself you were not coming any earlier than the night of induction. However, Monday morning when Daddy went to work I started to feel a little different. I told your Dad when we got up that I thought I may have had a contraction, but truly wasn't sure. So I went about my day as planned, however, I was starting to have some cramping pain that had me wondering if this was what people were telling me about.

Around 2pm I started to keep track of what I thought were contractions, but still wasn't 100% sure. They were about 12 min apart and felt like a combination of menstrual cramps, feeling like I had to have a bowel movement, and a little bit of back pain. Additionally I was actually going to the bathroom several times that day (very unusual for me). Around 4pm they were more like 7 min apart and I debated whether I should call your Daddy to come home early; but for some reason I still wasn't quite convinced I was in labor yet.

Once he got home and we ate some dinner, he made the executive decision that we should go to your Granny and Papa's house since they live 5 min (not 45 min) from the hospital. He could just tell from how I was acting that it was going to be that night - and if not, we were that much closer for the induction the following day. Well I was very glad he made that decision! After waiting about 2 hours at their house and realizing I was not going to be comfortable anywhere but the hospital, we decided to head over there. I truly wasn't in horrible pain, but when the contractions came they were definitely uncomfortable; plus I started to have some bleeding. So at this point I was pretty sure this was it!

We got to the hospital around 11:15pm and after waiting for the unconcerned woman at the desk to finally take care of us, they sent me to Labor & Delivery triage. I kept hoping my water would break in front of this woman's desk since she apparently did not think I was in labor! After getting changed and answering a billion questions, the resident came in to exam me. She looked at me somewhat surprised and told us that I was 6 cm dilated and 75% effaced and followed that with the question "did you really walk in here?". Apparently it's not normal to walk all the way from the parking garage when you are 6 cm and in labor!

They immediately moved us to a delivery room and called anesthesia for my epidural. I had 3 different nurses working with us to try and get everything done ASAP! They were so sure you were coming soon - hah! In the meantime Daddy was calling our family to let them know you would be here soon, so if they were coming to the hospital they better get going. You were coming that night!

In the meantime, they sent Daddy to wait for our visitors while I got my epidural. The anesthesiologist was worried the epidural wouldn't take effect soon enough so he additionally gave me a spinal. The whole procedure was not as bad as I had anticipated - the novocaine was probably the worst part. I immediately felt relief...honestly, I immediately felt nothing! Overall, the epidural was a great idea, but the idea of a spinal beforehand kind of backfired on all of us.

After the procedure, Daddy returned and Granny had arrived as well. I felt pretty good for being in labor. Granny even commented that I didn't act like a woman in labor (but that's all because I really didn't feel anything at all). So now it was just a matter of waiting til you were ready to join us. To waste the time we watched TV, played Monopoly on our iPad, and captured a few last shots of me preggers...

Our last preggo pic

The last pic of us as family of just two

Around 2:30am the doctors came in to check me again and I was now 9.5 cm dilated and fully effaced. So they broke my water and said we'd start pushing in an hour! Daddy went to the waiting room to update everyone and at this point Granny decided she was going to stay in the room with us for your delivery. Secretly I knew all along that she was going to stay, even if she'd been denying it the whole pregnancy.

Granny in waiting

About an hour later the nurse came in so we could start pushing...this was it!!! Until we then realized, I was so numb from the spinal/epidural, that I couldn't feel anything - not even enough to push. So we were back to waiting. For the next couple of hours they came in and out to check and see if I was starting to feel things a little more - still nothing. Finally around 5:30am we decided to turn the epidural down and just try my best to start pushing.

After a little while, the nurse was able to see your head coming down, but you were stubborn and weren't  ready to come quite yet! They kept telling me that from what they could see, you were going to be a baldy (boy were they wrong)! We continued pushing on and off until the nurse decided it would be best to start a little pitocin and have the epidural turned off. I was a little nervous that this would backfire (which it did) - but we went with it. Well I definitely started to feel the contractions more, but was still very numb.

However, around 7am I had had enough of the pain from the contractions - I wanted that epidural back on NOW!! Of course this was all going down in the midst of shift change - so things suddenly became somewhat chaotic (new doctor, new anesthesiologist, new resident, twice as many nurses and even a nursing student was pushed in there)! The newly energized, "peepy" staff came in and immediately started to set everything up for delivery. They did not realize we had been stuck at this point for about 2 hours now. Thankfully my old nurses stuck around as long as possible to help - after all they wanted to meet you too now.

Finally the anesthesiologist came in and turned the epidural back on. However, it must have been too much too fast because I almost instantly got sick! Things were suddenly spirally out of control - I was hot, I was thirsty, I was uncomfortable, and I was exhausted!! And to top it off I had this new nurse that wanted me to try all these new ways of pushing; one of which included a squat bar! Seriously?!?! I've been pushing for 2 hours, had my epidural turned off and can't even feel my right leg and you want me to squat at the end of this bed!?! Despite the fact I told her I was going to fall off the bed, I attempted what she wanted to do; and I was right, I almost fell off the bed!

As we were approaching the 3 hour mark, the doctor was trying to decide what to do. For whatever reason, you were not wanting to come out. She thought perhaps you were just going to be a big baby based on the last ultrasound. I asked if maybe you were facing up - they said it was possible. The next step she decided on was to try and use a vacuum to assist you out; she also brought up episiotomy and finally the dreaded C section. At that point I was determined to push you out immediately!

In order to use the vacuum the NICU team had to be present, so they put a call in to them. While we waited the resident stayed with me and tried her best to assist you out. Finally, I gave one good push and was then told to not move at all! Do not cough, sneeze, talk or move. This was the first time I actually somewhat felt something - your head was sitting there and they needed to get the doctor in there and finish setting up. Once they were ready I gave one more push and out you came - head, arms, legs...everything all at once! Oh and by the way, Mommy was right, you were facing up which now explained why we were pushing for 3 hours (also explained why they kept saying you were bald - they were looking at your forehead).

Of course, now I was waiting to here "It's a Girl!" or "It's a Boy!", but instead I heard "Dad do you want to cut the cord?" At that point I was trying to sit up and see you and kept saying "What is it?" Daddy finally said - "It's a girl!" I knew it! All along I felt you were a girl. Then we had the sign in the delivery room - there was a huge painting of irises, which was my Nana's favorite flower, and that is who you are named after.

I still remember how amazing the sound of your first cry was to me. Daddy and I immediately looked at each other and started to cry. We were so happy. Once Daddy had cut the cord though they immediately handed you over to the NICU team, which I was a little caught off guard by. Then I heard something about multiple spots on your body, the OB thought they were hemangiomas. The Neonatalogist looked you over, picked you up, handed you to me and said you were going to be just fine. They wanted to take you to the NICU for evaluation, but he reassured us you were just fine. I heard what he said, but all I cared about at the point was getting to hold you for the first time.

You were soooo beautiful!! We immediately bonded and I know you knew I was your Mommy because as soon as I started talking to you, the crying instantly stopped. I truly did not want to let you go. I knew I would instantly love you, after all I'd been loving you for 9 months; but I never imagined how full my heart would feel at that moment. Just like that, your little 6 lb 14 oz body had completely turned our world upside down in this amazing way. Daddy and I were so in love with you Madeline!

Our very first picture together

Love you Baby Girl!!

Mommy XOXO

PS: Next post - the remainder of our hospital stay (promise it won't be as long)